Saturday, June 30, 2012

Dear Mom,

My husband used to ask after inspecting why our phone bill was so high "Who do you talk to everyday that uses up this many minutes?"

"My Mom!" I would say with little hesitation.

Not everyone wants to talk to their mother every day - This is going to be a hard habit to break.  My phone added you to my favorites list without me even asking it to :) I suppose we COULD talk that much if we could afford the bill.....

It is also going to be hard to adjust to a week without seeing you let alone a month or 12.

However, I am trusting that the bond we have built is so deep and strong that, although we will miss each other, distance will not change or stifle us.

Who knows? Maybe we could even get stronger?

I know you will miss 'The B'. This is my greatest guilt. I feel as though I am taking her from a family that I have proven is worth growing up with.

She is going to miss you too. I already know that. I believe in the core of my body that 'Nana' is a bond just as strong as 'Mother' and that just as I have worked tirelessly to build a bond with her family members in Lebanon I will work as hard to maintain the bond already built in Minnesota.

I know that this is scary. When I was debating this decision I read that "outward strength begets inner power" - We will both benefit from this on this journey.

I have done long distance... with some of my nearest and dearest friends. It doesn't change how you feel about a person if your heart and mind are made up. It also doesn't change the importance of that person in your life. I will see you again AND when I do it will be oh so sweet.

So Mom. Here goes nothing! I will miss you! I will talk to you often. Send you lots of pictures. Cry a lot when I miss you :) and hug you fiercely when I see you! You can count on that!


Friday, June 29, 2012

Dear Dad,

The rainbow of feelings I am faced with when I look at my emotions revolving not being in your direct vicinity is soooo Gemini.

On one hand, I know everything will be fine. Our father daughter relationship has had years of dedication and growth. The force of our bond is epic.

On the other hand, my heart is breaking. It's really quite simple. I'm going to miss you so intensely that I'm trying not to think about it because it may stiffle my ability to budge.

There is the incredible guilt I feel for moving Juju so far away. I know how long you have waited to be a Papa. She loves you so much and I've no doubt that this bond will remain strong. You are a corner stone of her life that will be hard to forget.

I'm focusing on my weekly FaceTime calls and your impending visit in December. Excited to process the growth that I'm about to face in my new adventure.

Hug me as often as you can Dad, so that when all I need is your hug and your not there I can try and manifest the feeling of your embrace.

Namaste Papa!

Thursday, June 28, 2012

A Clean Slate - As far as my home is concerned

There are many exciting things about moving to another country. One of exciting things for me is a clean slate as far as my house is concerned.

I have often said, if I just could start with nothing and rebuild I could have a more organized, cleaner house with less clutter. I could use my best judgment when buying things so that I didn't end up with so much extra stuff.

Dont get me wrong, I am sure that I will eventually accumulate extra stuff. However, I am going to make a conscience decision to collect carefully. Organize as I go. Get rid of things when they need to be gotten rid of. And stop purchasing junk....

I have the 'great quality' of seeing junk and it's history and potential. I am going to steer away from that: as admirable as it may have been. It probably was just a coping mechanism for always receiving hand-me-down furniture mixed with my depth of creativity.

Anyways. This is what I am processing today. My clean slate.

Frankly?!?! I am thrilled.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Let the Countdown Begin!

I'm almost in shock.

27 days left.

Seems like a far off distant dream still.

Some days I look at my house and think ... "how could this be the house of a person moving to another country?"

I have soooo much to do. I think I've been putting it off...

I'm giving myself until Friday. Then I have to bust into action!

27 days.. Wow.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

The Outlook on Life is Bright!

Things are Good! Busy! There are lots of things to do before our move in less than a month.. We are energized and excited. I am hard at work manifesting that everything will fall into place before we board the plane!

My daughter is excited. She can tell something big is about to happen but she is too young to understand completely. Sometimes she gets a little anxious and questions things saying "Juju come back soon?" or "I play with this toy in Lebanon?" It's hard to watch her slowly realize that she will miss things/people that she loves yet at the same token be soooo excited to see the people that we all so desperately miss. I tell her that we are going on an adventure like Dora the explorer. She seems to like that!

This is my husbands last week at work. He is excited and nervous all in the same movement. I think this will be in the best interest of his career and our family. fingers crossed!

Me? I'm just moving along adjusting like I always do. This type of change is what I am built for. I thrive on making plans and moving along. I will miss my family and friends but I am confident that life will settle and I will make new friends and love my new life. 

So things are lookin up  We are all good!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Saying Goodbye Responsibly

As the time creeps up on me it is becoming painfully aware that I need to say goodbye responsibly.

I was trying to just breeze through the goodbye.

Be strong and rely on the phrase "I will see you again!"

That is easier right?

Well... After a heart to heart with my tinyest friend Milla... who is 6. That method isn't going to work. So I started writing her a blog post letter, just like I wrote to my mother-in-law Anisa on her birthday.

I think I like this method of processing and I may continue doing that for specific people.

Now if I could just figure out how to make a tab for my goodbye letters.....

Dear Milla,

I promised you that I would always be in your life as long as you'd have me. This isn't going to change.

Even though we won't be on the same continent I will continue to marvel at your growth and love you from afar. I will always consider you a part of my family and you will always be in my heart.

Our little family's relationship is on a new journey. We will learn how our new arrangement defines our bond and when we see each other again it will be THE sweetest thing.

I love you Mi Pie, with all my heart!

Your Other Mother (minus the button eyes)

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A Day to Remember

Ever have one of those moments with your kids that you want to remember forever?

We laid in the sun, ate cold spagetti on the deck and swam in our little pool.

She isn't a baby anymore. I LOVE observing the person that she is becoming and I feel PROUD to be a part of her development.

My life is so full of wonderful that my heart is soaring.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Should it Stay or Should it Go?!

Yesterday I went through the linnen slash lets throw everything in here closet.

It was mostly easy to decide what would be entered into the garage sale and what would be tossed.

Then I came across some wedding memorabilia. This is a difficult one for me. I dont want to spare room to take it... But I also dont want to throw it. It deserves better than that :)

For now.. It's in a box marked memorabilia and I will be putting other such items in that box to stay here.

But even that sounds nuts.

Vat ya gonna do?

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Dear Anissa,

I have missed so many of your birthdays.

This year my presence to you will be many :) A pun on the english language you may not understand.

Our ability to communicate goes beyond language. Since the moment I met you all my fears vanished. In front of my eyes stood the most caring woman fiercely motivated by love and compassion and you hadn't even spoke.

You are one of the reasons that I am able to feel comfortable moving so far from my family, friends and comfort zone. With you, I have all three.

I cannot wait for you to know Joelle the way that my family does.  She is a special gift and I cannot wait to share her.

Happy Birthday! We'll see you soon :)


Sunday, June 3, 2012